PA German Dialect

Es Neinuhr Schtick

July 13, 2000

Ihr liewe Leit:

   Mer hen letscht Woch gelese ass der Rich Beisel eenichebber beweise kann ass die Zeecher un der Mond viel middem Blanse zu duh hen. Mer mache nau weider middem Moll sleim Schtori:

   “Ya, ich weess! Eenichebber wu ans Schpucke un an Hexe glaabt, muss, verschtanne, aa all so Dummheede glaawe,” saagt der Al.

   “Was ich gsehne hab mit meine eegne Aage kannscht du, Al Schtettler,un nimmand schunscht mer wecknamme. Hot net der Dokder in sellem Feld newich em Meindloch lauder schaaliche un zackicche Grumbiere grickt? Un fer was? Ich weess es, ich hab sie helfe ausmache. Er hot sie im Grebs geblaanst.”

   “Ya,” saagt der Dokder, “ich denk die Blansgrumbiere was ich kaaft hab ware ewwe aa so.”

“Fer was waare dann selli im Feld hinnich der Scheier so schee? Selli hoscht im Fisch geblanst, sell weess ich – ich hab sie helfe blanse.”

   Der Jim Dauweschpeck froog ihn, “Rich, du kannscht mer graad raushelfe. Der Peterli iss mer all ausgfrore letschde Winder, noh hawwich en gleener Schtock vum Dokder grickt un hab ihn in en Heffel geblanst. Die Fraa hot ihn uff em Fenschder bei de Blumme schteh. Nau, wann iss en gudi Zeit fer den auszublanse?”

   Der Rich iss gans vergelschtert un saagt, “Ei, Jim, was hoscht dann des geduh? So waahr ass Gott iss, schtaerbt dir eens aus em Haus, un noch des Yaahr.”

   “Wann blanst ihr eier Sac him Gaarde?” froogt der Hi der Rich.

   Der Rich guckt der Al so schei aa, noh saagt der Hi, “Nau Al, loss dei Maul mol ruhe, un loss der Rich mit Friede.”

   “Well, der Selaat sache mer immer im Unnerschtehende, noh schiesst er net. Der Zwiwwelsaame sacht me ruff der Karfreidaag, un uff die Siwweschleefer legt mer sie um, noh waare sie dicker. Die Reddich schtecke me rim Fisch, noh warre sie schee glatt un lang, awwer en Mann muss die Reddich sache.

   “Der Riebsaame sacht me ruff der Peterkett, noh warre sie dick; die Buhne im Ewwerschtehende, uff der Bonifazius Daag; die Rotriewe im Leeb,
noh bleiwe sie blutrot, awwer yo net im Schteebock, schunnscht warre sie hatt.

   “Noh will ich eich noch eens saage: wammer die Schipp, wu mer der Gaarde mit graabt, mit Fasnachtfett schmiert, gebt’s ken Warrem im Gaarde. Ich kann eich in unser Gaarde nemme eenichi Zeit un ich wett ihr finnt ken Leis drin, weil uff Ascher Mittwoch schtrache mer immer Esch iwwer unser Gaarde.”

   Es kennt sei ass dem Rich sei Rot zu schpot kummt fer des Yaahr. Ihr liewe Gaerdler misse den Kallem ausschneide un gut uffhewe fer neegscht Yaahr.

Macht’s gut,
Der Alt Professer

Dear people:

   We read last week that Rich Beisel can prove to anyone that the signs of the zodiac and the moon have a lot to do with planting. We will now continue with Moll’s story:

   “Yes, I know! Anybody who believes in spooks and witches must, it is understood, also believe such nonsense,” says Al.


   “What I have seen with my own eyes you, Al Schtettler, and anyone else cannot take away from me. Didn’t the doctor get scaly and jagged potatoes in that field next to the mine shaft? And why? I know, I helped did them out. He planted them in Cancer.”

   “Yes,” says the doctor, “I think that the seed potatoes that I bought were also the same.”

   “Then why were those in the field in back of the barn so nice? You planted those in Pisces, I know that – I helped to plant them.”

   Jim Dauweschpeck asks him, “Rich, you can help me right out. The parsley all froze out on me last winter, so I got a little plant from the doctor and planted it in a little pot. My wife has it standing on the window (sill) with the flowers. Now, when is a good time to transplant it?”

   Rich is terribly frightened and says, “Oh, Jim why did you do that? As true as there is a God, someone in your household will die, and even this year yet.”

   “When do you plant y our stuff in the garden?” Hi ask Rich.

   Rich looks at Al so shyly, so Hi says, “Now, Al, let your mouth rest, and leave Rich alone.”

   “Well, the lettuce we sow when the horns of the moon are down, then it doesn’t run to seed. He onion seed we sow on Good Friday, and on Seven Sleepers Day (June 27) one lays them over, then they get thicker. The radishes we plant in Pisces, then they get nice and smooth and long, but a man must plant the radishes.

   “The turnip seeds we plant on Peter in Chains day (August 1), then they get thick: beans when the horns of the moon are up, on Bonifacius’ Day (June 5); red beats in Leo, then they stay blood red, but never in Capricorn or else they will get tough.

   Now I want to tell you one more thing: if you smear the spade with which you dig the garden with fat left over from Shrove Tuesday, there won’t be any worms in the garden. I can take you into my garden at any time and I bet you won’t find any lice in it because on Ash Wednesday we always spread ashes over our garden.”

   It could be that Rich’s advice comes too late for this year. You dear gardeners have to cut out this column and save it well for next year.

Take care,
The Old Professor

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updated 3-15-2007 paf