Ihr liewe Leit:
Do iss en Schtick ass der Buhneschtiehl “Use mache vun der Paerdi”
gheese hot. Ihr liewe Leser darrefe devun denke was ihr wollt.
Es gebt wider en Chance fer ewennich Geld mache in Balledix, un ich
bin drein fer en Sheer. Der Mike Blotner hot mir geschder gsaat sie wedde
wider die Constitution ufflicke. Was denkscht du vun mir fer en Kandidaat sei
fer Delegate vum Haase Barrick?
Es aerscht hawwich gemeent es waer vun ken Use die Constitution
flicke, awwer sidder ass ich en Kandidaat bin, kummt’s mir vor ass ebbes geduh
sei sett. Sell iss Balledix; ich bin alsfatt en guder Paerdimann un duh alles
fer die Benefit vun die Paerdi.
Un anyhow, fer was iss die Paerdi? Why, fer so Kalls wie ich un du
die Affisse zu ranne un Geld mache. Es iss net mehner ass Recht ass so Kalls
wie mir ass die Bisness verschtehne entitled sin zu der Benefit fun der
Bisness. Die eensich Use ass mir hen fer die Paerdi iss die Affisse, un nau
waer ich aa en verdolts Kalb wann ich net aa emol ebbes wett.
Wann ich elect deet warre, dann wett ich sehne ass es en Wexel
gewwe deet. ‘S aerscht deet ich wode ass mer yuscht nochemol so viel Geld
hedde. Die Fact iss, es iss net genunk Geld in circulation.
Wann mir meh Geld hedde, dann deet mer doch als ebmols ewennich
ebbes devun zu sehne griege. So wie’s iss muss mer sich zu hatt bloge devor.
Es iss zu raar. Ich deet die constitution uffixe ass yeder Mann en Yoch Oxe
griege deet un fazich Aker Land. Ich deet eigeh fer em Goverer Power gewwe fer
der Weeze nuff zu zwee Daaler die Buschel. Ich deet aller alde Batchler
reschde un ihn heire mache odder ihn en Hundstax bezaahle mache fer unser alde
Meed halde.
Licker deet runner zu drei Cent der Jicker graad wie fer alders, un
Schnitz un Buhne nuff zu dreissich Cents Pund. Ich deet die Schtadtleit
schtoppe vun ihrem viele Jam fresse so ass mer wider en Sale helt fer die
viele Lattwarrick ass es des Yaahre am Barrick gebt.
In Fact, ich sehn ass ebbes geduh sei muss odder’s geht alles zum
Schinner. En Mann as mied gebore iss un hot in seim Lewe net lanne schaffe,
daer iss iwwel ab, un so Kalls misse Hilf hawwe. Wu in der Welt deet ich es
Duch griege fer’s Endgate vun meine Hosse flicke ass ich ausweer am Wattshaus
wann’s net waer ass die Palli noch ewennich Geld uff Indresse hot vun ihrem
Daadi, un deet als wesche fer die Nochbere?
Yessir, ‘s muss Geld bei. Mir misse meh devun hawwe odder mir
verhungere all beiennanner!
Awwer isses aa meeglich ass mer en mannichi Waahret im Aernscht
saage kann?
Macht’s gut,
Der Alt Profess |
Dear people:
Here is a piece that Boonastiel called “Making Use of the Party.”
You dear readers may think what you want about it.
There’s again a chance to make some money in
politics, and I am in for a share. Mike Blotner told me yesterday that
they want to mend the constitution. What do you think about my being a
candidate for the delegate from Rabbit Mountain?
At first I thought that there would be no use in mending the
constitution, but since I’ve been a candidate, it seems to me that
something should be done. That is politics; I am always a good party man
and do everything for the benefit of the party.
And anyhow, what is the party for? Why, for such fellows like me
and you to run the offices and make money. It is not more than right that
such fellows like us who understand the business are entitled to the
benefit of the business. The only use that we have for the party is the
offices, and now I would be a dog-gone calf (read idiot) if I also for
once didn’t want something.
If I were elected, then I would see to it that there is a change.
First of all I would vote that we have again as much money. The fact is,
there is not enough money in circulation.
If we had more money, then we would get to see something of it once
in a while. The way things are, you have to toil/drudge for it. It is too
rare. I would fix up the constitution so that every man would get a yoke
of oxen and 40 acres of land. I would go in for giving the governor power
to put wheat up to two dollars a bushel. I would arrest every old bachelor
and make him get married or make him pay a dog tax to keep our old maids.
Liquor would come down to three cents per jigger just as before,
and snitz (sections of apple) would go up to 30 cents a pound. I would
stop the city folk from eating so much of their jam so that we would again
have a sale for all of the apple butter that there is this year on the
mountain.
In fact, I see that something has to be done or else everything is
going to the devil/deuce. A man who is born tired and has never learned to
work in his life, he is bad off, and such fellows have to have help. Where
in the world would I get the material.coth to patch the endgate of my
pants that I wear out at the barroom if it weren’t for Polly having a
little bit of money still on interest from her father, and sometimes
washed for the neighbors?
Yessir, we’ve got to get more money. We have to have more of it or
else we will all die of hunger together!
But it is also possible that we say many a truth in earnest?
Take care,
The Old Profess
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